For warning: my blog this week is less about school or English and more about things in my life at the moment and how they are affecting school.
So, I've missed a lot of school lately. Like a lot of school. And there's a reason behind that.
I have anxiety.
I've always known that I've had mild anxiety issues, usually concerning social situations or when things change drastically or are just plan new and unknown to me. It's something that I've just kinda ignored.
Unfortunately I can't do that anymore. My anxiety slowly gotten worse and progressed to where it's effecting my ability to go to school.
I like school, I really do. I enjoy my classes and my teachers and the things I learn and do. Even with this though there a lot of mornings (honestly most mornings) in which I wake up and become over Ce by stress, dread, and a sickening feeling on my stomach caused by some unknown anxiety having to do with the idea of leaving my house and going to school. That sucky part of this is that it is momentarily incapacitating. However it oddly disappears as soon as I'm actually at school and I'm usually fine the rest of the day.
It isn't exclusive to school, just any situation with expectations of me, unknowns, or that are stressful. It sucks to say the least and greatly interferes with my life.
Currently I've taken a few steps to dealing with it and they're helping, but it's not solved and is still a major problem.
For right now though, I have anxiety and I'm admitting it.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Blog post 2/7/13
Random fact to start off my blog: for some reason for the past week every time to write the date I write a "4" for the month instead of a "2." No idea why.
So, now onto my actual blog post.
Today was the first day of reading Beloved by Toni Morrison for class. So far I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the book. I don't hate it or find it horrible as of yet, but it also hasn't completely grabbed my attention to the point that I don't want to put it down. The one thing I do know is that it is not going to be a book that I can just read through at my normal pace. I understand that I need to slow down and pay attention the minuscule details in order to get and understand the whole picture.
However, saying all that the story as a whole does intrigue me. I like that it's based off of a true event even if it is just loosely.
About what we've read so far, my main question that I'm not entirely sure on is what is with all of the trees? There multiple images of trees in the book and the fact that they keep getting repeated makes me think there is a fairly big significance to them. As of yet I don't fully understand what that is, but I'm interested to read more and find out.
Other random thing I find intriguing about the story:
Originally when I was reading I found it kinda strange that there was this supposed ghost in the house that people acknowledged but just kinda dealt with. But then I realized something, it's not much different then the "ghost" or whatever it was that lived in the house I grew up in. The house I grew up in had a figure that occupied it along with my family. It was a shadow figure, like a black silhouette, of a very tall man (who may have been wearing a hat). The front door of the house opened into a foyer and the stairs were right there. I remember several times seeing him standing at the top of the stairs but as soon as I'd look away he'd disappear. This happened a couple times and I believe my brother saw him as well. My sister also had an experience of someone tapping her on her shoulder/hovering over her while she was sitting in our dining area on the computer yet when she turned around no one was there.
Gran-it there was a major difference in the disposition of the ghosts as the one from Beloved seems to be more chaotic, sad, and angry while the one from my childhood home was more calm and curious and unobtrusive. There was also the major difference that when I tell people about the shadow man they tend to get a little freaked out while the ghost in Beloved is fairly accepted.
However what I find most interesting about all of this is that Denver finds comfort in the ghost as it is the only one who has never left her. I can relate to that. Not quite the same as I did not take comfort in the shadow man being there, but I was never upset by it or afraid of him. He was a part of my house just like my room and everything else in it, and although not quite part of my family he was still an accepted being that resided there with us. I've never really questioned who he was or why he was there (there supposedly a "curse" about the house but that involves people getting divorced and doesn't fit her). All the same, the shadow man was part of my house growing and part of my childhood. The memories of him aren't quite fond, but are ones that I've come to appreciate and be intrigued by. Many times I've missed that house, for too many reasons to count, but I wonder if the lacking of loneliness in the house due to shadow man is one of them.
So, now onto my actual blog post.
Today was the first day of reading Beloved by Toni Morrison for class. So far I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the book. I don't hate it or find it horrible as of yet, but it also hasn't completely grabbed my attention to the point that I don't want to put it down. The one thing I do know is that it is not going to be a book that I can just read through at my normal pace. I understand that I need to slow down and pay attention the minuscule details in order to get and understand the whole picture.
However, saying all that the story as a whole does intrigue me. I like that it's based off of a true event even if it is just loosely.
About what we've read so far, my main question that I'm not entirely sure on is what is with all of the trees? There multiple images of trees in the book and the fact that they keep getting repeated makes me think there is a fairly big significance to them. As of yet I don't fully understand what that is, but I'm interested to read more and find out.
Other random thing I find intriguing about the story:
Originally when I was reading I found it kinda strange that there was this supposed ghost in the house that people acknowledged but just kinda dealt with. But then I realized something, it's not much different then the "ghost" or whatever it was that lived in the house I grew up in. The house I grew up in had a figure that occupied it along with my family. It was a shadow figure, like a black silhouette, of a very tall man (who may have been wearing a hat). The front door of the house opened into a foyer and the stairs were right there. I remember several times seeing him standing at the top of the stairs but as soon as I'd look away he'd disappear. This happened a couple times and I believe my brother saw him as well. My sister also had an experience of someone tapping her on her shoulder/hovering over her while she was sitting in our dining area on the computer yet when she turned around no one was there.
Gran-it there was a major difference in the disposition of the ghosts as the one from Beloved seems to be more chaotic, sad, and angry while the one from my childhood home was more calm and curious and unobtrusive. There was also the major difference that when I tell people about the shadow man they tend to get a little freaked out while the ghost in Beloved is fairly accepted.
However what I find most interesting about all of this is that Denver finds comfort in the ghost as it is the only one who has never left her. I can relate to that. Not quite the same as I did not take comfort in the shadow man being there, but I was never upset by it or afraid of him. He was a part of my house just like my room and everything else in it, and although not quite part of my family he was still an accepted being that resided there with us. I've never really questioned who he was or why he was there (there supposedly a "curse" about the house but that involves people getting divorced and doesn't fit her). All the same, the shadow man was part of my house growing and part of my childhood. The memories of him aren't quite fond, but are ones that I've come to appreciate and be intrigued by. Many times I've missed that house, for too many reasons to count, but I wonder if the lacking of loneliness in the house due to shadow man is one of them.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)