Blog vir week sewe!

So, I've decided that this week I'm going to stray from the usual super english related blog post and instead tackle something that is more prevalent on my mind tonight.

I sent in my first college application tonight.

Now, its not officially finished as I still have to have my official transcript sent from the guidance office along with them filling out an additional paper requested from the university, but everything else is done. According to said college, in about two weeks time I will have an answer from them.

The thing is though, this is a process that I've dreaded starting for so long. It was inevitable, I knew and accepted that, but I continued to put it off. I figured, I guess, that once I started it I wouldnt stop until all of them are sent in, which is probably going to be true, but that this would suddenly consume every part of my life. For some reason, I thought that something major would change, something would be different, that I would feel different. Cliche I know, but thats my life.

Instead, I sit here at 11:47 PM listening to Michael Buble's Christmas album (this is evidently what my iPod plays this late at night) having just submitted my college application and honestly it feels like any other night. That is if any other night my stomach was filled with terror and my brain the maddening thought that this could all turn out to be a complete failure. Oh wait, its my senior year and college applications are due, that is every other night.

In all honestly, I guess I just feel this is some sort of let down, I was expecting more. Don't ask me what more I was expecting, but in my mind I guess I thought I'd feel different, maybe more accomplished? This is just so anticlimactic now.

Of course, even as I say that I am filled with tremendous excitement at getting to go and do something awesome with my life and fear at all my planning coming crashing down, unraveling at the seems.

And now I'm rambling and not at all saying what I came here to say.

Rewind a little now, "I sent in my first college application tonight."

College has always been a reality for me, I never thought about not going, my parents always seem to have expected me to go, and my educational path has told me that eventual I will be in college. That means that at times, I have to reality check myself and think that not everyone feels the same way.

I feel at times that I sit in the middle of the college spectrum, someone who knew they would be going to college, yet never had huge set in stone plans about it. I find it amazingly interesting the students that have known for years their top three schools they plan to go to and exactly how theyre going to get there, I almost envy this, the intense planning, the idea of actually knowing where your going is tempting. I then remember though, that I hate conforming to ideal expectations set out for me like that and the envy passes. However even more strange for me to think of is the fact that not everyone plans on going to college, and that is perfectly acceptable.

I feel that sometimes I get lost in the glorified ideal path of life that is preached to me and forget that other paths are just as good. I don't like when this happens. Like I said, college has always been a thing for me, but if I was to forget that others dont choose college that would mean being out of touch of the reality of the world. In doing so I'd feel that I was almost placing myself above others just because of college and thats not true or right. Choosing a path that doesnt require college is not at all bad, I think personally you should choose whatever path that makes you happy and if anyone belittles you for doing so they can shove it in all honesty.

Harsh maybe, but people who act better than others gets under my skin more than it should.

Again, I feel I'm rambling and tangent-ing badly and this post is becoming really long. What I'm really trying to say is that I sent in my first college application tonight and that terrifies and excites me, but even more than that it is weird to think that I hold a unique place in my college process that is different than what every other senior anywhere is doing. And that every persons unique choices are just as valuable and awesome and equally terrifying and exciting to them as mine is to me.

For now, I'll quite my rambling and just go back to my late night listening of Buble's Christmas album  because that sounds a lot more simple than trying to figure out what I really am wanting to say.